Craunch the Marmoset, Buy Cat in Pocket: The Book Mark Twain Called “Perfect”

What happens when a Portuguese publisher who doesn’t know English attempts to bring out an English phrase book?

english-as-she-is-spoke

This great 2011 piece from Splitsider tells the whole story.

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Scenes from a Marriage (A Jacke Wilson Objectino)

Back by popular demand… it’s an Objectino! This time, a scene from a marriage….

A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO*

HIM: Okay, I think I’ll head out to the dentist’s office.

HER: Already? Your appointment’s not for twenty minutes. It takes ten minutes to get there.

HIM: Well, by the time I park, get checked in…

HER: You could wait here five minutes and still make it in plenty of time.

HIM: Why would I wait here? I’m ready to go. Maybe they can take me early, and I can just get on with my day. What if I hit traffic or something?

HER: You just don’t want to sit here and try to relax, do you? Because then you’d think about yourself. And how much you hate yourself. That would be five minutes of torture, wouldn’t it?

HIM: Maybe I’ll have car trouble. Maybe their parking lot will be under construction…

HER: Maybe you’ll never have to spend five minutes alone with your own thoughts. Ever again.

HIM: WELL IF I LEAVE NOW IT’S A POSSIBILITY!!!!


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Steve Martin not wild, not crazy…

Brilliant reader MFA commented on the Steve Martin reference:

My daughter and I still mist up at the Steve Martin backyard basketball scene in “Father of the Bride”. Not taking away from the Spencer Tracy Elizabeth Taylor version.

Here’s the clip:

Argh, this is heartbreaking. Was there really a version of me who would once have seen this as overly sentimental? Because now I can barely see the screen thanks to the dust that just flew into my eyes. Parenting…what saps it turns us into.

Watching the middle-aged Martin play this character is fascinating to contrast with the young-man joke I analyzed in Episode One of the Restless Mind Show. (You’ll have to listen to the episode to hear which Steve Martin bit it was.) In the clip here there’s no bluster, no bravado…just a very human guy. Playing a dad.

Steve Martin’s own relationship with his father is agonizing – that part of his memoir alone is worth a read if you haven’t heard about it before. I don’t think it takes psychiatrist’s license to think that Martin’s Wild and Crazy Guy period was his way of blocking all that out. And when he set that persona aside and starting playing the teary-eyed dad, he must have had a deep well of longing to draw upon. A son’s wish for the father-son relationship he hadn’t had.

Powerful stuff coming from unexpected corners. Thanks for the tip, MFA!

It’s The Jacke Wilson Show! Life’s Unanswerable Questions, Part 2 (Episode 2.2)

jackewilsonshowimage

ONE…ONE ONE…ONE ONE… IT’S THE JACKE WILSON SHOW!!!!!

Our quest for a more professional sheen to the podcast continues with Life’s Unanswerable Questions (Part 2) – Another play for Bryan Cranston and Kate Winslet, the untold story of Joseph the beleaguered father of Jesus, a look at why we love when we know it hurts us, and more!

Hope you enjoy the show!

You can stream the show here:

Or directly download the mp3 file: The Jacke Wilson Show 2.2 – Life’s Unanswerable Questions (part two)

You can also find previous episodes at our Podcast page.

And subscribe to the whole series at iTunes by following this link:

SUBSCRIBE TO THE JACKE WILSON SHOW ON ITUNES

Let me know what you think! Thank you for listening! Continue reading

It’s The Jacke Wilson Show! Life’s Unanswerable Questions (Episode 2.1)

jackewilsonshowimage

ONE…ONE ONE…ONE ONE… IT’S THE JACKE WILSON SHOW!!!!!

Season Two! We’re off to a GREAT start with the new Jacke Wilson Show season. New producer, new studio…and a much more professional sheen. In episode 2.1 we cover Life’s Unanswerable Questions, as contributed by you, the listeners.

Hope you enjoy the show!

You can stream the show here:

Or directly download the mp3 file: The Jacke Wilson Show 2.1 – Life’s Unanswerable Questions (part one)

You can also find previous episodes at our Podcast page.

And subscribe to the whole series at iTunes by following this link:

SUBSCRIBE TO THE JACKE WILSON SHOW ON ITUNES

Let me know what you think! Thank you for listening! Continue reading

Best Case Name Ever (A Jacke Wilson Objectino)

Another day, another Objectino.* This one straight from the courthouse…

A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO

Overheard at a legal proceeding:

LAWYER 1: What’s the best case name you ever cited in a brief? For me, I figure it’s gotta be Lone Star Ladies v. Schlotzsky’s Deli. Or here’s one for you: Fattman v. Bear. New Jersey case.

LAWYER 2: Fattman v. Bear? [chuckling] That’s pretty vivid.

LAWYER 1: No kidding. [shudders] Kind of makes me feel ill, just picturing it.


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A Marriage at Odds (A Jacke Wilson Objectino)

Time for another Objectino!* This one comes straight from the underbelly of a marriage…

A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO

WIFE: [looking out the window] Oh great. It’s raining out. What are the odds that today is Saturday?
HUSBAND: One in seven.
WIFE: [exasperated] You know what I mean. It was sunny all week when I was stuck in that stupid office. What are the chances that the one day of rain we get this whole week happens to be on the weekend?
HUSBAND: Two in seven.

WIFE: I hate you sometimes.


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