What happens when a Portuguese publisher who doesn’t know English attempts to bring out an English phrase book?
This great 2011 piece from Splitsider tells the whole story.
Back by popular demand… it’s an Objectino! This time, a scene from a marriage….
A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO*
HIM: Okay, I think I’ll head out to the dentist’s office.
HER: Already? Your appointment’s not for twenty minutes. It takes ten minutes to get there.
HIM: Well, by the time I park, get checked in…
HER: You could wait here five minutes and still make it in plenty of time.
HIM: Why would I wait here? I’m ready to go. Maybe they can take me early, and I can just get on with my day. What if I hit traffic or something?
HER: You just don’t want to sit here and try to relax, do you? Because then you’d think about yourself. And how much you hate yourself. That would be five minutes of torture, wouldn’t it?
HIM: Maybe I’ll have car trouble. Maybe their parking lot will be under construction…
HER: Maybe you’ll never have to spend five minutes alone with your own thoughts. Ever again.
HIM: WELL IF I LEAVE NOW IT’S A POSSIBILITY!!!!
Brilliant reader MFA commented on the Steve Martin reference:
My daughter and I still mist up at the Steve Martin backyard basketball scene in “Father of the Bride”. Not taking away from the Spencer Tracy Elizabeth Taylor version.
Here’s the clip:
Argh, this is heartbreaking. Was there really a version of me who would once have seen this as overly sentimental? Because now I can barely see the screen thanks to the dust that just flew into my eyes. Parenting…what saps it turns us into.
Watching the middle-aged Martin play this character is fascinating to contrast with the young-man joke I analyzed in Episode One of the Restless Mind Show. (You’ll have to listen to the episode to hear which Steve Martin bit it was.) In the clip here there’s no bluster, no bravado…just a very human guy. Playing a dad.
Steve Martin’s own relationship with his father is agonizing – that part of his memoir alone is worth a read if you haven’t heard about it before. I don’t think it takes psychiatrist’s license to think that Martin’s Wild and Crazy Guy period was his way of blocking all that out. And when he set that persona aside and starting playing the teary-eyed dad, he must have had a deep well of longing to draw upon. A son’s wish for the father-son relationship he hadn’t had.
Powerful stuff coming from unexpected corners. Thanks for the tip, MFA!
ONE…ONE ONE…ONE ONE… IT’S THE JACKE WILSON SHOW!!!!!
Our quest for a more professional sheen to the podcast continues with Life’s Unanswerable Questions (Part 2) – Another play for Bryan Cranston and Kate Winslet, the untold story of Joseph the beleaguered father of Jesus, a look at why we love when we know it hurts us, and more!
Hope you enjoy the show!
You can stream the show here:
Or directly download the mp3 file: The Jacke Wilson Show 2.2 – Life’s Unanswerable Questions (part two)
You can also find previous episodes at our Podcast page.
And subscribe to the whole series at iTunes by following this link:
SUBSCRIBE TO THE JACKE WILSON SHOW ON ITUNES
Let me know what you think! Thank you for listening! Continue reading
ONE…ONE ONE…ONE ONE… IT’S THE JACKE WILSON SHOW!!!!!
Season Two! We’re off to a GREAT start with the new Jacke Wilson Show season. New producer, new studio…and a much more professional sheen. In episode 2.1 we cover Life’s Unanswerable Questions, as contributed by you, the listeners.
Hope you enjoy the show!
You can stream the show here:
Or directly download the mp3 file: The Jacke Wilson Show 2.1 – Life’s Unanswerable Questions (part one)
You can also find previous episodes at our Podcast page.
And subscribe to the whole series at iTunes by following this link:
SUBSCRIBE TO THE JACKE WILSON SHOW ON ITUNES
Let me know what you think! Thank you for listening! Continue reading
Another day, another Objectino.* This one straight from the courthouse…
A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO
Overheard at a legal proceeding:
LAWYER 1: What’s the best case name you ever cited in a brief? For me, I figure it’s gotta be Lone Star Ladies v. Schlotzsky’s Deli. Or here’s one for you: Fattman v. Bear. New Jersey case.
LAWYER 2: Fattman v. Bear? [chuckling] That’s pretty vivid.
LAWYER 1: No kidding. [shudders] Kind of makes me feel ill, just picturing it.
Time for another Objectino!* This one comes straight from the underbelly of a marriage…
A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO
WIFE: I hate you sometimes.
Back to the workplace for another Objectino!*
A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO
Overheard in an office meeting:
MAN: I realized the other day that my shirt pockets are so thin you can see my photo ID through them. For years there’s been this little me riding around in my shirt, right on my chest, where everyone could see it. I had this idea that maybe I should use that little guy, like there’d be this little man who would say all the things I wanted to say but couldn’t. The real me would be saying, “Okay, I’ll get that to you right away, no problem.” And the little me on my chest would say, [makes tiny voice ] “Up yours, jackass.” I don’t know…am I working too hard?
WOMAN: I think you answered that question about five sentences ago.
Today’s Objectino* goes back to the land of the Blood Cake…
A JACKE WILSON OBJECTINO
After the New York office criticized us for having old equipment, our bosses splurged on a new videoconference room with state-of-the-art technology. At our next weekly luncheon with New York, we were excited to demonstrate how the camera swiveled automatically to focus on whoever was speaking.
We were taking turns talking, inwardly congratulating ourselves for finally beating New York at something, when suddenly the camera zoomed in on Beth, who had just taken an especially large bite of her sandwich.
Yesterday I posted a quick little request that summarized my thoughts on the U.S. elections. And of course, I wrote a book about a politician, based on some personal experience I had ghostwriting the autobiography of one of our nation’s gems. The politician in my book, a former governor recovering from a sex scandal, exemplifies everything bizarre about our system.
What is it about democracy that produces such creatures? Is there something about the process itself that turns people into these aliens? Is it an American phenomenon or is it true of democracies everywhere?
Well, I’m happy to report that at least some of the ideas in The Race translate rather well. Here’s a report from a reader in India.
Some highlights:
I admire the governor’s character-someone who is more than determined to fight and make a comeback no matter what people think of him. Even after being humiliated by his Italian mistress, his sons and his wife he still goes strong with this character, smile and determination to fight against a stronger opponent.
Yes! There is something admirable about the governor. Something sympathetic. A pathetic creature. But dogged. He exists.
The story has its own pace and takes you by surprise on every shameless and unplanned statement the governor has to prove himself.
Thank you! I know this will sound a little self-serving, but it took me by surprise as well. I vividly remember the day when I thought, “Wait, we’re ending every chapter with someone telling him how much they hate him…well, all right then! Let’s get it on!
The story showcases a lot of American humour which clearly shows how people from different parts of the country think and behave differently in a particular situation.
Glad you liked it! It’s Wisconsin, for sure. But it’s also Anywhere, America.
All in all a hilarious piece of work…
Wow!
…with two different characters who come together to shape up the life of the governor in words and in turn realise how sensitive and greedy can human nature be at times.
Readers, could I ask for a better review? It’s so generous!
A great political comedy wrapped with insight on changing human nature.
Thank you!
You can check out The Race at Amazon.com and elsewhere. Paperbacks still less than 5 bucks, e-book versions still less than three. And of course, free books available to all reviewers. Aha, you say: I don’t review books for some fancy news organization or million-hit blog. Discrimination in action! No, dear reader, you’ve misunderstood. Any review counts – even on your own blog, even at Goodreads, even a plain customer review at Amazon. It all works for me!
My thanks to Janak Mistry for the wonderful book review (which I lost in the shuffle for a while – sorry for the delay, Janak!). And check out Janak’s writings about Tibet, we all need more Tibet in our lives.
Onward and upward!
Jacke Wilson 