Ah yes, the Blogiversary. One year of bringing you the hits. And the catastrophic failures. Our Countdown of Ugh concludes with the worst post of the year, as measured by your complete indifference. Nothing on this site received less love than this one. It came to you, hat in hand, a humble post seeking attention. And the Internet looked elsewhere. The Internet yawned.
What was it?
Well, I’m going to cheat a bit. This one goes to an entire series. Many of these tied for the worst. And so we come to…
The Jacke Wilson Blogiversary Worst Post of the Year #1
The What They Knew Series
Oh, I had such high hopes! I was a new and eager blogger. How do you populate a blog? What appeals to people? Hmm, I thought. How about a few quotes from great thinkers? You know, pithy phrases. I’ve seen the traffic on these things! I’ve seen the Likes they receive!
It seemed like a no-brainer – throw out some terrific quotes, find my footing as a blogger, build an audience. Baby steps! Success awaits!
People, I was in a dark place. Personally, things were going great. Professionally, I was in a hole. And to be honest, even personally I’ve always veered from sunshine to storm cloud. Happy nostalgia to world-weary cynicism. The Beatles in 1964 to George Harrison in 1974.
And so…well, just take a look at how my quotes turned out. My selection process left a little something to be desired:
“Facing it — always facing it — that’s the way to get through.”
– Joseph Conrad
And we’re off! That’s not too bad. Suggests that the world is a cold, dark place. But it does give a little nod to human endurance. The very first post on my blog! I will endure! All I need is confidence and a positive outlook…
“There is an infinite amount of hope in the universe… but not for us.”
Ah, there we go! Into the world of Big Fail! I admit this still makes me smile: no hope! Ha ha! So true! Share it with me, people! Tell your friends!
Love, friendship and respect do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something.
Oooh, from the absence of hope to the universal presence of hatred. That’s good. I wrote a whole book about hatred. Available for just five dollars in a snazzy paperback format.
But that’s not important right now. I’m trying to build an audience! What’s important is that I turn things around and bring you something bright and cheery…
I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations — one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it — you will regret both.
Note I misspelled Kierkegaard in that one. Great for Googling! What a disaster I was. On we go!
“One need not be a chamber to be haunted.”
Spooky! And depressing. Hard to believe I could sink any lower than that one…
“What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.”
I stand corrected. Chekhov? A universe of quotes about humanity, from perhaps the most astute observer of the human condition in all its forms…and that’s the one I pick?
“We can regard our life as a uselessly disturbing episode in the blissful repose of nothingness.”
Oh, Arthur. I’m such a fan. Just me and no one else. “Blissful repose of nothingness” is a good way to describe the response to that post.
“If you live long enough, you’ll see that every victory turns into a defeat.”
–Simone de Beauvoir
Simone! I did so much better when I was catching you in a moment of unguarded happiness! That’s what people want! That’s what I want too!
The unexamined life is not worth living.
…and examining your life makes you want to kill yourself.
Indeed. And so do these quotes! Bookmark my site, people! Tweet it to all your friends! They’ll thank you for it. And also: Remind them that the world is meaningless and every living thing on this planet will be dead soon. Happy Friday!
Things picked up a little after that. I threw in some Mark Twain, Nabokov, some stuff about writing and reading, generally tried to get things lighter. But the negativity continued, to the point where I felt obligated to issue this post apologizing for the series and discharging every last bit of negativity in one last outburst.
And…you ignored that one too!
Thank you readers, for making the contest so clear. The What They Knew Series: the worst posts of the year!
21 thoughts on “Here It Is! The Worst Post of the Year”
Absolutely brilliant… your blog never fails to amuse me 🙂
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Thank you! I appreciate it – especially coming from you, Lizzy!
Very good work, made me chuckle. My advice, try listening to someone play the banjo well, that always cheers me up!
I should have included that as the Onward and Upward! Next time…
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First, In thyself be true.
I will not go as far as Saul Bellow.
I am smiling on this hungover Saturday morning…glad I found your blog 🙂 (via the wonderful Sandra Danby)
Excellent! Thank you for the comment (and it sounds like I owe the wonderful Sandra Danby some thanks too).
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Hi Jacke, Passing the blogging love around… I’m delighted to nominate you for The Liebster Award.To learn more, please click here to check out my post http://wp.me/p2ZHJe-1fh
If you don’t do awards, that’s okay, please accept this as a message of appreciation for your blog! Sandra
I rather liked that Chekhov quote. Snatching misery from the jaws of happiness – that’s part of the human condition too, isn’t it? Anyway, nice post.
I like it too!
Too funny!! If i didn’t know better, I’d suspect a few of my close relatives of writing this
Very ballsy to mae fun of the posts that got you the least amount of love. I’m just starting up and I wanted to cry the first time I heard crickets… I’ll keep this in mind…..there will always be bette 🙂
Exactly right – don’t let those crickets get you down!
I’m still laughing, thank you =) I am now off to go edit the obvious out of my blog! =P
Lol. Love this !!
Not particularly relevant quote attributed to Chekov (but, since his name is mentioned …): “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”
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Yes – a great quote. That would have been so much better!
Still being new to blogging I am amazed by what gets attention and what doesn’t. I am constantly asking myself, “Who am I writing this for, anyway?” and wonder how the wormhole of the internet leads people to me at all. Loving the blog. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the comment – I’m glad you enjoy it! And good luck with your blog!