It’s The Jacke Wilson Show! Episode 4 – The Worst Thing I Ever Did (Part Two)

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ONE…ONE ONE…ONE ONE… IT’S THE JACKE WILSON SHOW!!!!!

Episode 4 is here! I’m back to my four a.m. silent-house stage whisper. You didn’t think that afternoon voice would last forever, did you? Luckily I have a good microphone and an up-close personality. Or you can use it as white noise, to drift away to dreamland. I’m good either way.

In this episode we wrap up our look at “The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Done” and veer into my psychological battle with my old officemate, the “real” Jerry Seinfeld, which might be the worst thing I’ve ever done, or maybe it’s the worst thing for him. (The Blood Cake (A History of Jacke in 100 Objects #3)) for those keeping score.) And we look at Christmas in Munich, give a quick shoutout to Little Pickle Press, preview a forthcoming guest (I’m working on it!), describe some night-time country-road driving (and an encounter with some UFOs), and detail the time my big sister invented a language and I struggled to keep up. Disasters everywhere. Ah well. It’s the Jacke Wilson Way.

You can stream the show here:

 

Or directly download the mp3 file: The Jacke Wilson Show 1.4 – The Worst Thing I Ever Did (Part Two)

You can also find previous episodes at our Podcast page.

And subscribe to the whole series at iTunes by following this link:

SUBSCRIBE TO THE JACKE WILSON SHOW ON ITUNES

Let me know what you think! Thank you for listening! Continue reading

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It’s The Jacke Wilson Show! Episode 3 – The Worst Thing I Ever Did (Part One)

jackewilsonshowimage

ONE…ONE ONE…ONE ONE… IT’S THE JACKE WILSON SHOW!!!!!

Oh, people! Episode 3 of THE JACKE WILSON SHOW is now available! This one is full of heartbreak and agony. Yes, that’s right, it’s The Worst Thing I Ever Did… confessions of real-life people as submitted by you, the readers. Also includes A History of Jacke in 100 Objects #15, The Coffepot, about what might be the worst thing I ever did. Let’s share the pain!

(We ran out of room on this one, so we had to stop. Plenty more worst things coming in Part Two. It seems our cup overfloweth with longing and regret here at the Jacke Blog.)

Oh, and I have a happy story sprinkled into the mix. We needed something to cut the misery!

Do you have a Worst Thing I Ever Did to share? Let us know! You can leave a comment or send me an email at jackewilsonauthor@gmail.com. Anonymity strictly preserved. (Read more about our call for The Worst Thing I Ever Did at our previous post. We’re not just going for confessions – we’re exploring why we think these are the worst.)

Enjoy the show!

Download the mp3 file: The Jacke Wilson Show 1.3 – The Worst Thing I Ever Did (Part One)

Getting better, I hope! You can also find previous episodes at our Podcast page.

And subscribe to the whole series at iTunes by following this link:

SUBSCRIBE TO THE JACKE WILSON SHOW ON ITUNES

Let me know what you think! Thank you for listening! Continue reading

Worst Thing I Ever Did? Had a Secret Orgy…

Wow. The confessions keep pouring in. I’ll save a few for the podcast, as I promised in the original post. But I’ll share some on the blog too.

Reader Anonymous writes:

Not quite sure why I’m doing this but I’m sure you can handle personal!

Indeed I can! Do go on…

I often refer to this as the ‘worst thing I have ever done’.

My pulse has quickened…I’m at the edge of my seat…the hair on the back of my neck is tingling…

I was in a ‘complicated’ relationship with a girl ‘R’, complicated in the sense that I was strict about not wanting to be in a relationship at this time in my life. I was sexually involved with a few partners at the time and was straight with all parties involved about this.

However, I spent most of my time with ‘R’, I was in a bad place and she took good care of me. She was very in love with me but, in relationship terms, we were not suited. Through the fog of roller coaster depression I could not see the lighthouse-bright fact that I was using her.

Oh no…oh no… I can see this one coming. There’s a pattern here, which fills me with ache. So often the worst thing we’ve done comes from letting down people who have treated us the best… you’re not alone, Anonymous! I’ve gotten dozens of these already!

So! We went to visit my friends in their cosy [location undisclosed] home where the two other people I was seeing were also staying. ‘R’ was uncomfortable from the start, I took great care to not be openly romantic with the others…

Whew! Dodged a bullet there. Good move, Anonymous!

…but we are an affectionate bunch who don’t see each other often…

D’oh!

…and even us cuddling up and watching a film was too much for her. She spent both days isolated in the corner not saying anything.

Oh no! This is not going to end well, I fear.

On the second night she went to bed in the attic early, I was frustrated at her for ‘bringing the mood down’ on one of my precious few times with this company and told her I’d be up later.

Okay, I think I see where this is headed. You flirted with someone else. Well, of course you did. You were feeling low, you were frustrated with R, and a little flirtation was in order. Maybe it even led to something physical, like a kiss on the cheek, that you regret now. Am I right? Don’t be too hard on yourself, Anonymous! R should understand a kiss on the cheek, given the circumstances. It might feel like this is the worst, but maybe you’re just being too hard on yourself.

(Am I right? Is that what happened?)

Very soon after, I went up to a bedroom with three others, barred the door and we all had sex.

Whoa!

She was upstairs devastated and I was downstairs sleeping with other people.

Argh! Well, look. I’m sure you handled it well. You told her, right? Told her what had just happened? Had a good talk about it… maybe a cry… came to some kind of understanding…

I then went up to join her and we cuddled to sleep.

Oh no!

How often did you think about this, Anonymous?

Not nearly often enough at first, that time in my life is a complete blur. Now I think about it often.

And what bothers you? Why do you think it’s the worst?

Because I didn’t even feel that bad about it. In hindsight I am distraught with myself but at the time I could see nothing but my own sense of entitlement to ‘happiness’ and excitement. Depression does that to people.

I now think about it whenever I encounter something that seems utterly unforgivable. I don’t consider myself to be a bad person and this made me realise that no one does. There are no bad people, just bad things.

Words to live by. You are definitely not a bad person, at least not as far as I can see. I think your description of your remorse is very human and full of empathy. Depression does put people in a bad place, but one doesn’t even need depression for things like this to happen. Sometimes people are in a selfish place because we have to try to make ourselves happy (if we don’t who will?), and life is hard to figure out.

We all make snap decisions every day. Some of them are poor – hopefully not too many of them are, and hopefully the damage is limited. But it’s inevitable that something, somewhere will go wrong with something we do. All we can do is keep trying.

We’ve all been there, Anonymous! We have all needed that forgiveness, and we’ve all been in a position where forgiveness is called for (even if it’s hard to give). I think you deserve it in this case, for whatever that’s worth.

Many thanks for passing along this story, which I learned from and found to be agonizingly human. And good luck with the rest of your relationships! If this is your worst, and nothing worse ever happens, I think you’ll be just fine.

Readers, I’m still taking entries! Tell me your worst! Leave a comment or shoot me an email at jackewilsonauthor@gmail.com. Anonymity completely guaranteed!

Previous entries:

The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Done? Fooled My Significant Other with a Fake Online Persona…

I’m getting some great responses to my request for “the worst thing you’ve ever done.” What I’m interested in exploring is not just the act itself, but the aftermath and the impact. Why does it seem like the worst? Why does it stick in your head?

A reader reports the following:

I was in a serious relationship for over a year when my significant other had to move across the county due to a family emergency. They didn’t know anyone there aside from family and decided to use social media to reach out.

Okay, sounds harmless. A family emergency? Who wouldn’t need a little social comfort?

By social media I mean they created a dating profile but insisted it was just for meeting new people and nothing else.

Hmm. I could see where this could cause some problems. A dating profile just for meeting new people? I would expect suspicion. Maybe jealousy. Maybe a complete lack of trust. On the other hand, this is someone dealing with a family emergency! A little slack seems to be in order.

How does one handle this? Our reader handled it this way:

Me, half way across the county alone and feeling insecure decided to test this idea of befriending on a social network. I created a fake account (using pictures I found online) and befriend my “significant other” and by befriended, I mean seduced. They didn’t give in, though their conversation was definitely questionable.

Oh no! It’s finding out your worst fears coming true…it’s awful, awful, awful when that happens. And then?

I stopped going on the site after a few months, it became difficult to balance as my partner often talked about their “new friend” and the guilt because overwhelming as I realized they really did have pure intentions.

Oh man, this is so painful! It’s those last nine words that kill me. That’s the dagger to the heart. I can just imagine how horrible that must have felt! We’ve all been there, right? Obsessed to the point of reckless behavior?

A friend of mine once called a girl and let the phone ring a few hundred times (this was an era when some phones didn’t have voice mail or answering machines), thinking that she would get home, hear the phone ringing, and pick up immediately. He wanted to talk to her as soon as possible! Later he learned that she and her friends were sitting outside at the pool, listening to the phone ring and wondering what kind of creepy idiot would let the phone ring for that long. She recounted the story to him and he sat there pretending to be shocked, terrified that somehow she’d trace it back to him.

Back to our confession! Here’s the reader’s self-analysis:

I think about this often because it refers to a state of mind I never want to find myself in again. The amount of insecurity I possessed at the time is sickening and the things I did because of the insecurities is inexcusable.

In case you’re wondering, at some point I did tell my significant other that I was in fact, their long lost friend. It didn’t go over too well…

That must have been terrible! On the other hand, it was probably the right thing to do. It was certainly brave. I admire the reader for confessing, which I’m not sure I could have done. My phone-calling friend certainly never did.

This topic fascinates me. I’m planning to devote the next episode of my podcast to it – what we choose as the worst things we’ve ever done, and why we choose them. I’m not looking for horrible crimes here. I’m looking for things that even normal, healthy, law-abiding citizens carry around in their minds, thinking back on their behavior and cringing.

So let’s hear it, people! Tell us your secrets, either in the comments section or email me at jackewilsonauthor@gmail.com. Anonymity – and a sympathetic ear – are guaranteed.

Special thank you to the reader who submitted this entry. I found the story brimming with tenderness and humanity and courage. Take heart: what you did is perfectly understandable, you learned from the experience, and it sounds like you’re in a much better place now. Life is hard, and being a human being is often a terrible ordeal. Together we all make it through (somehow)!