The Trailer (A History of Jacke in 100 Objects #31)

trailer

It started with the rain. Tammy Wynette refused to perform on the uncovered stage, the foot traffic slowed to a trickle, and my boss Jerry couldn’t stop grumbling about the replacement band.

“The Cheese Boys?” he muttered, as the sounds from Turtle Tap’s house band echoed through an empty grandstand. “This is the best those college idiots can do?”

All week Jerry had been irritated by Riverfest!’s new management, who reminded him of the college graduates who used to boss him around at the factory before his escape to the freedom of owning his own business. A popcorn wagon, an industrial laundry, and now and then the odd miscellaneous hustle. We operated in what you might call the gray economy: not exactly illicit, but not exactly well documented, either. Did we pay all our taxes? That wasn’t a question Jerry asked. He knew he paid enough.

For years we had taken in cash from the fairgoers, our white money bucket filling throughout the day with hard-earned dollars from hard-working people looking to have a good time at the fair.

This year Thurl Albrecht, the chief college idiot, had installed a new system to “address issues of uncaptured revenue.” In order to make sure that the carnies and concessionaires weren’t skimping on the percentage they paid to Riverfest! Inc., fairgoers were now required to buy tickets at an official Riverfest! booth, which they then exchanged for rides and games and food.

Jerry had taken this personally.

I don’t think it bothered him that he was viewed as a cheater, because he knew he sort of was—he even took a kind of grifter’s pride in it.

But the new system—these red tickets—had messed with his relationship to cash, and that was unacceptable.

Something would need to change. Continue reading

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Who’s Cheating America: Tammy, Orlando & Braun

Uh-oh. Another lawyer in trouble.

A partner with Houston-based law firm Orlando & Braun LLP has been arrested on charges that he committed bankruptcy fraud by failing to disclose a conflict of interest in a Chapter 11 case, Texas authorities said Wednesday.

Hey, I get it. Lawyers like Calvin C. Braun, who’s been practicing for 16 years, have a lot of different clients in a lot of different matters. It can be hard to keep track of them all. So what happened exactly? Continue reading

Who’s Cheating America: A Matter of Integrity

Artistic reenactment:

Attorney: Hi there. I’m Chris Linton from Birmingham, Alabama. I’m an attorney, but don’t hold that against me.

Investor: Hello. What can I do you for?

Attorney: Hahahahaha, good one. [Gets serious.] Look, I’ve got a great new business going and the sky’s the limit. How would you like to get in on the ground floor?

Investor: I don’t know…you look a little young…

Attorney: I’m thirty-four years old!

Investor: That’s all?

Attorney: That’s enough! Look, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m setting up what’s called a factoring business. Lawyers who work for the state will submit vouchers to me so they can get paid quickly. I then get the money from the state for the work they performed.

Investor: How do you make money on that?

Attorney: I receive a cut of the money.

Investor: How much money?

Attorney: Enough to pay for my home, construction projects at the residence, private jet flights, vacations, recreational vehicles, furniture, luxury items, Auburn University football tickets and a donation to the Heisman Trophy Trust. All without committing wire fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, securities fraud, or bank fraud. it’s win-win-win-win-win-win-win.

Investor: That sounds like a lot…are you sure that’s all from your business?

Attorney: Mostly from my business.

Investor: Mostly?

Attorney: Some might be from investments in my business. I occasionally dip into the fund. Here and there. Make ends meet. Keep the lights on. You know how it is.

Investor: Investments? You mean from people like me?

Attorney: Sure. But you don’t need to worry. My business is called Integrity Capital.

Investor: Oh! Why didn’t you say that in the first place? [reaches for wallet]

Attorney: Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

Investor: [writing check] It sure does.

Cut to: exposure, scandal, arrest, guilty plea, and a former attorney now facing up to 65 years in prison. Argh! Live up to your name, Integrity Capital! Stop cheating America!

Oh the irony… first “London Associates” and now this…the irony, the irony…

Previous entries in our Who’s Cheating America? series:

Who’s Cheating America: Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Image Credit: guardian.co.uk

No, no, this isn’t about the divine Audrey Hepburn. We didn’t catch her cheating, thank god. It’s just a boring old insurance company dispute with Tiffany’s, the world-famous jeweler’s. So boring, in fact, I had to jazz it up with a photo. Here’s another:

Image Credit: Elegant Audrey

Sigh. Now onto the case, which is captioned Those Interested Underwriters at Lloyd’s, London who subscribed to the policy of insurance numbered BO80111433 v. Lederhaas-Okun et al.

Huh?

I thought this was about Tiffany’s? You mean there’s more…?

Indeed there is. Continue reading

Who’s Cheating America: The Bad Penny

Image Credit: USA Today

A penny sale! What could be cuter? In my family, we tell the story of my aunt climbing out of her crib, helping herself to my grandmother’s jewelry, and peddling it to neighborhood kids for a penny apiece. Luckily that was in small-town Wisconsin, and all the jewelry was recovered, with the exception of the priceless heirloom that would have enabled me to retire early. Alas, it was lost to the sands of time… for now, anyway (I’m watching you, Zane Zor Zirbachen!).

Just kidding. I’m sure Zane Zor returned the diamonds just like anyone else.

What does any of this have to do with America’s Greatest Cheaters? Well, a penny sale sounds a lot like a penny auction. Right? Probably one of those things online that lets you buy little trinkets or homemade goods. Kids learn how to invest their money. Spend ten cents and get a smiley-face sticker; fifteen will get you a fake tattoo or something. Hard to imagine anyone making much money at a penny auction. They’re probably run by the folks who brought you Sesame Street and Reading Rainbow.

Or… maybe not:

A key player in an online penny auction site pled guilty in North Carolina federal court Wednesday to securities fraud and tax evasion…Dawn Olivares and her stepson, Daniel Olivares, each pled guilty and face five years in prison for their roles at Zeekler.com, a penny auction site.

What??? Five years? For running Zeekler.com? But that’s such a cute lil’ name! How much could this mom-and-pop (or mom-and-stepson) shop have been taking in!? A few hundred dollars, tops! And for that they get five years?

As a result of the scheme, victims worldwide, including more than 1,500 victims in the Charlotte, N.C., area, sustained losses of at least $750 million.

$750 million? That’s an awful lot of pennies. How many fake tattoos are there, anyway?

Hmmm. Something else must be going on here. (Pause for Googling.)

Okay, thanks to Investopedia, I have a better understanding of penny auctions:

A new trend in the auction market is the Penny Auction. How the penny auction works is you buy a certain amount of bids for a flat rate (the bids are worth around 60 cents), which are used to try to buy items. Every time you bid on an item, a bid is removed from your account and a timer pops up. If the timer reaches zero, then you have won the item. There have been cases of bidders winning items for up to 97% off the retail price. The danger is that there are others bidding on the items as well.

And it turns out there are a ton of these on the Internet, or at least there were before places like Zeekler started getting rolled up by the Feds.* They all have names like Beezid and BidFun and Happy Bidday and offer you the chance to buy an iPad for $18. Are they all scams? I suppose not. Are they a good idea? Let’s just say I’m hanging onto my pennies. You never know when the grandchildren of Zane Zor Zirbachen are going to show up with a tableful of heirlooms and I can repurchase my retirement plan for a cent. (Just kidding, Zane Zor!)

*To be clear, Zeekler cheated to the tune of hundreds of millions by ripping off investors, not just auction buyers.

Previous entries in our Who’s Cheating America? series:

Who’s Cheating America: Zip-A-Dee-Doo…D’Oh!

Oh man. The nicknames for bribe money continue. Last time it was thanks to some lovers of literature. This time, our corrupt officials are apparently Disney fans. Old-school Disney fans. As in, old-school pretty ugly more-or-less-racist Disney fans:

According to prosecutors, the investigation revealed Mayor Mack colluded with Trenton sandwich shop owner Joseph “JoJo” Giorgianni, former municipal worker Charles Hall III, his brother Ralphiel and the late Lemuel Blackburn, a disbarred attorney, to funnel Mayor Mack bribe money from a federal informant posing as a developer interested in building a municipal garage.

Say it ain’t so, JoJo! And why oh why didn’t you come up with something more believable?

Moran played short excerpts from the wiretap evidence, many of which were from phone calls between Mayor Mack and Giorgianni. The excerpts were played to remind jurors of Giorgianni’s repeated use of the words “Uncle Remus” — not because of a shared love of “Song of the South,” the 1946 Disney film featuring the character, but as a code word Giorgianni used to let Mack know a bribe payment was pending his instruction.

“I gotta see you, Uncle Remus is coming by,” Giorgianni said to Mayor Mack in one portion. “Whenever you have time, I’ve gotta see you.”

Mack replied: “OK, baby.”

Nobody actually has an Uncle Remus! Is there a worse code name? (“Ben Franklin” maybe?)

The prosecutor pounced:

“What was Tony Mack’s reaction?” Moran said, following the excerpt. “Not ‘Joe, why are you saying that to me? Who is this person? What you talking about Joe?’ No. ‘OK, baby,’ and that was it.”

Mack didn’t do himself any favors:

Just minutes after leaving the meeting, Moran said, the illicit funds were “burning a hole” in Mack’s pocket, and the wiretap audio reveals the mayor making a call to his local tax assessor’s office to find out its preferred form of payment for a $6,000 lien against his home.

You want fifties or hundreds? I got hundreds right now. Fifties – I’ll need to stop at the bank.

I also like how this one expanded. First, it was cash for a good price…

The mayor is accused of accepting the bribe money, then selling the “developer” city-owned land on the cheap. The land was valued at $272,000, and the “developer” agreed to pay $200,000 for it in exchange for a bribe, authorities said.

…and then they went straight for the whole enchilada:

Giorgianni and Tony Mack eventually agreed that the land would be sold for $100,000 and that they would keep the remaining $100,000, according to prosecutors.

Wonderful feeling, wonderful day, yes sir!

Previous entries in our Who’s Cheating America? series:

Who’s Cheating America: Lovers of Literature!

Okay, okay. Government procurement officials have been corrupt since the beginning of time. It happens everywhere; America is no exception. Stories like this one

A Utah federal judge sentenced a former U.S. Department of Defense procurement official involved in an alleged bribery and fraud scheme with foreign military aircraft purchases to 24 months in prison, the Department of Justice said Wednesday.

…hardly raise eyebrows. $185,000 to tip off government contractors and to give them favorable treatment? Ho-hum.

But details like THIS one certainly fire the synapses:

Mendez and Sylvester Zugrav allegedly used code names, covert email addresses and password-protected computer documents to conceal the scheme. In the secret communications, Mendez was called “Chuco” and Sylvester Zugrav used the name “Jugo,” while cash was referred to as “literature,” according to the DOJ.

Oh boy! I love this idea. Maybe something like this?

“Dear Chuco, the lowest bid on the P-8A Poseidon maritime patrol aircraft is $180 million dollars. As you may recall, I am a great lover of literature. Please send me ALL of my literature via FedEx as soon as you can. Love, Jugo.”

What would the response be?

“Dear Jugo, Thank you for the information. We have submitted our bid at $170 million. Could you please place our contract on the top of the pile? By the way, we recall how much you LOVE literature. We have sent via FedEx one hundred and eighty-five thousand pieces of literature. The literature is unmarked and in small, easy-to-read denominations.”

The two will now have 15 to 24 months in the “library” to think about their crime.

Previous entries in our Who’s Cheating America? series: