Attorney: Hi there. I’m Chris Linton from Birmingham, Alabama. I’m an attorney, but don’t hold that against me.
Investor: Hello. What can I do you for?
Attorney: Hahahahaha, good one. [Gets serious.] Look, I’ve got a great new business going and the sky’s the limit. How would you like to get in on the ground floor?
Investor: I don’t know…you look a little young…
Attorney: I’m thirty-four years old!
Investor: That’s all?
Attorney: That’s enough! Look, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m setting up what’s called a factoring business. Lawyers who work for the state will submit vouchers to me so they can get paid quickly. I then get the money from the state for the work they performed.
Investor: How do you make money on that?
Attorney: I receive a cut of the money.
Investor: How much money?
Attorney: Enough to pay for my home, construction projects at the residence, private jet flights, vacations, recreational vehicles, furniture, luxury items, Auburn University football tickets and a donation to the Heisman Trophy Trust. All without committing wire fraud, mail fraud, money laundering, securities fraud, or bank fraud. it’s win-win-win-win-win-win-win.
Investor: That sounds like a lot…are you sure that’s all from your business?
Attorney: Mostly from my business.
Attorney: Some might be from investments in my business. I occasionally dip into the fund. Here and there. Make ends meet. Keep the lights on. You know how it is.
Investor: Investments? You mean from people like me?
Attorney: Sure. But you don’t need to worry. My business is called Integrity Capital.
Investor: Oh! Why didn’t you say that in the first place? [reaches for wallet]
Attorney: Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?
Investor: [writing check] It sure does.
Cut to: exposure, scandal, arrest, guilty plea, and a former attorney now facing up to 65 years in prison. Argh! Live up to your name, Integrity Capital! Stop cheating America!
Oh the irony… first “London Associates” and now this…the irony, the irony…
Previous entries in our Who’s Cheating America? series:
- Breakfast at Tiffany’s
- The Bad Penny
- Lovers of Literature
- Let’s Go Fly a Kite!
- Sharing Time (or Doing It?)
- The Lonesome Highway
- The Overzealous Recyclers
- The Opera Lover
- Unclean Hands
- The Smoke-Filled Room
- Gung Ho!
- The Billionaire vs. the People
- The Highly Profitable Non-Profit
- The Murky Coin Collector