The Wayward Joke (A Jacke Wilson Objectino)

Yesterday was fun! Let’s try another Objectino!*

Dinnertime. An earnest seven-year-old is attempting to tell a joke:

BOY: Okay. Two cannibals are eating a clown. What does one cannibal say to the other?
BOY’S MOTHER: I don’t know, what?
BOY: “Does this taste funny?”
BOY’S MOTHER: Why are two cannonballs eating a clown?


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The Glamorous Colleague (A Jacke Wilson Objectino)

Introducing…the Objectino!*

Overheard at an office meeting:

WOMAN 1: I’ve always had this thing for the days of real glamour. You know, like the Fifties and Sixties, when women had style. I was born at the wrong time! I could see myself as an Audrey Hepburn…or a Jackie O…

WOMAN 2: There’s a potato chip on your boob.


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Thanksgiving Week 4: The Readers!

We’ve spent Thanksgiving week giving thanks to the Kids, the Elders, and Life’s Sweet Partners. That covers most ground (sorry friends, coworkers, and facebook people I’m pretending to recall better than I actually do – maybe next year!). Or at least it covers most ground personally.

Professionally, I still owe someone special. My enormous debt of gratitude, and my undying thanks, go to a larger community. Continue reading

Thanksgiving Week 3: Life’s Sweet Partners

Oh, here we go! We’ve taken a look at the youth and the elders in my life (or at least the fictionalized version of it). How about Life’s Sweet Partner! Who else could travel through the world with Jacke at her side. That’s not easy!  Deserving of all my gratitude and then some.

I like the way the relationship is portrayed in my book The Race. But for the handful of you who do not own a copy of that massive runaway bestseller (sarcasm), here’s a free story. A ghost story of sorts, in which a very fictionalized significant other has a prominent role. (Really, when life is this absurd, it’s better not to go through it alone!)

A History of Jacke in 100 Objects #22 – The Sound:

I fall asleep with my hand on my girlfriend’s hip. I awake with her hand squeezing my throat.

“Jesus!” I gasp after I finally pry her fingers from my neck. “What are you doing?”

She blinks, still in a fog, halfway between sleep and madness. “Huh? What…?” She shakes her head, coming awake. “Oh, sorry… ” she says. “I was dreaming that I was choking you to death.”

“Nice dream,” I say.

Her eyes drift shut. “It’s the SOUND…” she murmurs. “It’s making me…INSANE…”

I cannot blame her. My dreams are just as bad. Monkeys howling, trains derailing, slaughterhouses at night…

“One more day,” I say.

The sound is still there, encasing us. My throat tingles. With one hand I grip her arm; with the other I wrap my pillow around my head.

It does not matter. The sound pierces through.

 

Thanksgiving Week 2: The Elders

Oh boy. I’m really having a good time with Thanksgiving this year, but that’s no surprise. It’s my favorite holiday. Since yesterday was our day of giving thanks to the kids, let’s take things old school and bestow some gratitude on our elders.

Here are a few excerpts from stories about the generations above me.  My big sister, my older cousin, my old boss, and of course, my father and grandfather. Formative influences on me, but don’t blame them for that! All life errors are my own.

(Seriously – my thanks to all of them. Enjoy the stories!)

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Thanksgiving Week 1: Kids

I’ve got a big December planned here on the Jacke Blog. So I’m taking a breath and celebrating my favorite week of the year. Thanksgiving! Time to bring in the harvest, start up a fire, watch a little football, and keep the kitchen bustling.

So today I’m giving thanks for children, who make all this work more fun. I love putting together a big Thanksgiving feast while the boys and their cousins are watching movies and playing video games. So awesome.

Enjoy the week of holidays, kids!

And here are a few stories to remind us all of the glory of kids: Continue reading

It’s The Jacke Wilson Show! Episode 3 – The Worst Thing I Ever Did (Part One)

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ONE…ONE ONE…ONE ONE… IT’S THE JACKE WILSON SHOW!!!!!

Oh, people! Episode 3 of THE JACKE WILSON SHOW is now available! This one is full of heartbreak and agony. Yes, that’s right, it’s The Worst Thing I Ever Did… confessions of real-life people as submitted by you, the readers. Also includes A History of Jacke in 100 Objects #15, The Coffepot, about what might be the worst thing I ever did. Let’s share the pain!

(We ran out of room on this one, so we had to stop. Plenty more worst things coming in Part Two. It seems our cup overfloweth with longing and regret here at the Jacke Blog.)

Oh, and I have a happy story sprinkled into the mix. We needed something to cut the misery!

Do you have a Worst Thing I Ever Did to share? Let us know! You can leave a comment or send me an email at jackewilsonauthor@gmail.com. Anonymity strictly preserved. (Read more about our call for The Worst Thing I Ever Did at our previous post. We’re not just going for confessions – we’re exploring why we think these are the worst.)

Enjoy the show!

Download the mp3 file: The Jacke Wilson Show 1.3 – The Worst Thing I Ever Did (Part One)

Getting better, I hope! You can also find previous episodes at our Podcast page.

And subscribe to the whole series at iTunes by following this link:

SUBSCRIBE TO THE JACKE WILSON SHOW ON ITUNES

Let me know what you think! Thank you for listening! Continue reading